As I am writing this article, I am very disappointed. I was supposed to meet a friend I had not seen for several months and she just canceled our meeting. To make things worse, I received the message just when I arrived at the meeting point. Disappointment comes along with his friends anger, frustration and exasperation. Obviously, my jackal is kicking in. “Really, she could have told me earlier. It is the second time she cancels on me. Does she really want to meet or not?”

Our friend, the jackal has a lot of judgments. And judgments have the particularity of being very vague. When we speak, vagueness prevents communication from flowing. That is why, observation is one of the main component of NVC. Making an observation is describing what you see with facts. “Peter has worn the same tee-shirt all week” instead of “Peter never takes a shower”.

I would define an intention, as an objective we set to ourselves to accomplish something. It is the path to follow to achieve our goals. Sometimes, we forget our intentions, we truly want something but we are caught in the moment and our emotions get the better of us.

If you don’t know NVC, there are plenty of websites and videos of Marshall Rosenberg himself explaining what it is. NVC is commonly referred to as a four step process called OFNR.

“Connect before correct” is one of NVC’s quote I like the most. Nobody can listen to someone else if she doesn’t feel she has been heard first. Because most of the time, we are so eager to help the person in front of us that we forget, she is not always looking for an answer, sometimes, she just needs empathy, love or connection.