“Connect before correct” is one of NVC’s quote I like the most. Nobody can listen to someone else if she doesn’t feel she has been heard first. Because most of the time, we are so eager to help the person in front of us that we forget, she is not always looking for an answer, sometimes, she just needs empathy, love or connection.
More than helping, we want to educate. We have a long list of advices to give about what the other person should or shouldn’t do. Most of the time, the other person already knows that list and doesn’t want to hear it. But we can’t help but saying it because we want to take action, to help. In those cases, we need to remind ourselves that more often than not, presence is more powerful than words.
A few day ago, I was with a friend and his son, he was saying to his son “come, get in the car right now!” and the kid would not react to his father’s orders continuing whatever he was doing. I wanted to tell him “Connect before correct” but it would have been trying to educate my friend without any connection first and the only effect it would have, if any, is upset him even more.
For me, words are powerful only if we use them in a connected way.