This is a very quick introduction to NVC keywords.

The basis is pretty simple, it is based on the fact that people have feelings and needs. Feelings are the key to our needs. When our needs are met, we are at peace and we can hear what the other person has to say. The first step is to listen to our feelings. Then our feelings tell us what our needs are.

The other thing is that our judgments can prevent us from hearing ourselves and others. To go beyond our judgments, our best tool is observation. When we are clear on what our feelings and needs are, we can make a request (to ourselves or to others) to find a strategy to meet our needs.

Here is a great video explaining NVC and a glossary of the most important terms:

Definition of feelings: what emotion am I experiencing? Be careful of the word you are putting after an expression like I feel, it is not necessarily a feeling. For example: “I feel like hitting you”, is not a feeling. It is something the person wants to do but the real feeling, might be frustration, anger, fear, etc. Here is a list of feelings.

Definition of needs: the need is the cause of the feeling. Every feeling is the expression of an unmet need. Needs are universals and shared by every human being on Earth - from food, rest and shelter to connection, empathy or authenticity. Here is a list of needs.

Definition of judgment: a judgment is an interpretation of what we think we see as opposed to facts. It is a story made up by our brain based on external factors such as beliefs, education, social background, etc.

Definition of observation: an observation relies on facts. “This painting is horrible” is a judgment. This “painting is blue and green” is an observation.

Definition of request: a feasible and practical step we can take to meet our needs. According to the situation a request can be made to ourselves or to others.

Definition of strategy: the way we act to meet our needs. The number of strategies to meet our needs are endless. If I have a need for creativity, I can sing, paint, write a poem, imagine a story, cook a new dish, you name it!

Definition of OFNR: The usual NVC Process stands for: Observation, Feelings, Needs, Request.